Rating:  

Starring: Jessica Alba, Joel McHale, Rowan Blanchard, Mason Cook, Jeremy Piven, Alexa Vega, Daryl Sabara, Danny Trejo, Ricky Gervais.
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Director: Robert Rodriguez
Rating: PG
Running Time: 89 Minutes
Release Date: August 19, 2011
Home Video Release Date: November 22, 2011
Box Office: $38.5 Million
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Troublemaker Studios, Spy Kids 4 SPV, and Dimension Films.

Written by: Robert Rodriguez

Dusting off a franchise that many felt had run its course, Robert Rodriguez brings back his “Spy Kids” franchise by offering the newest installment, “…All The Time In The World” in glorious 4-D?! Apparently, in theaters, not only was the film exhibited in the exhaustion that is today’s 3D movies, but a card was given to movie patrons to smell scents along with the film and take part in something called “Aromascope”. Sigh.

Missing the film in theaters, I had the chance to watch the film at home in Blu-Ray, and not in 3D, and without any kind of Aromascope card. Curiously, the whole 4D concept is not even referenced anywhere on the packaging. So, if I am not supposed to acknowledge it anymore, well…I just did.

We can debate whether or not Rodriguez needed to relaunch this series, but here we go with Jessica Alba starring as Marissa, a pregnant-at-full-term spy, working as such without her husband apparently knowing, who has apparently taken the wise choice to work up to her due date. Her husband, Wilbur (Joel McHale), is an investigative news reporter and his two children, Rebecca and Cecil (newcomers Rowan Blanchard and Mason Cook), are less than enamored with their stepmother. Wilbur is rather aloof, an egoist, and has never captured one criminal in all of his investigative work. As a result, Marissa spends a great deal of time with Rebecca, Cecil, and the couple’s newborn, Maria.

This time the villain in question is The Timekeeper (Jeremy Piven, playing something like 3 or 4 different characters here), responsible for altering time and Marissa is on the hunt and quickly unable to protect her family from knowing her secret occupation. When the OSS call in Carmen and Juni Cortez (Alexa Vega and Daryl Sabara, the Spy Kids from the first three films), they are supposed to help stabilize matters, but everything continues to spiral out of control until everyone is frozen in time, except Juni , and the implementation of the Wilson’s dog, Argonaut (voice of Ricky Gervais), helps matters some. Ultimately, the newest Spy Kids, Rebecca and Cecil, must be called into duty in an effort to dispatch the evil Timekeeper and save all of human kind, like Carmen and Juni did three times before.

Honestly, my fears were realized very early on when watching Spy Kids: All The Time In The World in that this film is completely pointless. Rodriguez is not revitalizing his franchise with new concepts and ideas; rather he is simply trying to recreate everything he created previously with two new young actors. The film lacks humor, inventiveness, and plays like a slightly higher-budget made-for-cable movie.

Jessica Alba, a long-time friend of Rodriguez, seems half-heartedly engaged with all of this and Joel McHale sparks little to no chemistry with Alba in his thankless role. Essentially what this Spy Kids resembles is a film full of people either doing favors for Robert Rodriguez or worse, actors with little to nothing else to do. I mostly feel bad for the young actors that Rodriguez fashioned this film around. Rowan Blanchard and Mason Cook are nice enough but they really do not seem ready to be saddled with such a big movie and such a high profile role.

I am rather confused by the fact that Spy Kids: All The Time In The World was ever made and further confused as to why Robert Rodriguez cannot move things along when it comes to his filmmaking career. The fun and excitement found in the first Spy Kids film keeps that film tremendously entertaining and there are countless other ways to entertain you or your kids then having to watch this half-hearted laziness play out for 90 minutes.

Should I See It?

Fans of the previous Spy Kids films will be drawn to see this.

Machete appearance completists can add this to their queue right now.

Jessica Alba fans will want to see it. Joel McHale fans will be curious. Rowan Blanchard and Mason Cook’s family have probably watched it by now.

The film is unnecessary and alarmingly troublesome. Do we really want our kids seeing a 9-months pregnant woman doing death-defying stunts and driving 100 mph in a car, while simulating contractions? What message does that send? Or does it send any message? That we are even discussing it, well…says a lot I think.

There is nothing even remotely interesting about this film whatsoever. Rodriguez’s script introduces concepts and fails to see them through and he has apparently given up on logic and reason when it comes to this, or frankly, any of his recent efforts. What an absolute waste of time.

Watch Spy Kids or its sequel and avoid this completely.