Rating:  

Starring: Paul Bettany, Karl Urban, Cam Gigandet, Maggie Q, Lily Collins, Brad Dourif, Stephen Moyer, Christopher Plummer, Alan Dale, Madchen Amick, Jacob Hopkins.
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Director: Scott Stewart
Rating: PG-13 (Reviewed as Unrated)
Running Time: 87 Mins (Unrated)
Release Date: May 13, 2011
Home Video Release Date: August 16, 2011
Box Office: $29.1 Million
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Buckaroo Entertainment, Michael De Luca Productions, Stars Road Entertainment, TOKYOPOP, and Screen Gems.

Written by: Cory Goodman, based on the graphic novel series of the same name by Min-Woo Hyung.

Paul Bettany and Scott Stewart are back together after concocting one of 2010′s most embarrassingly awful films, “Legion”. Again, diving into the gothic graphic novel adaptation genre, “Priest” is not nearly as terrible as their last film together, but is still nothing to be all that impressed with.

In an entertainment world populated with sexy poster-boy and poster-girl vampires, I suppose we should thank Stewart and his crew for reinventing the blood-starved creatures as faceless blobs with razor sharp teeth and fangs and eyes embedded under their skin. I mean it is at least a novel approach in trying to reinvent something that has been done ad nauseum over the last few years.

As apparently each and every gothic vampire tale must begin, narration sets the scene (loud exhale) as humans and vampires have apparently been embedded in a centuries old war. The war has decimated the resources of the Earth and the Clergy have found a way to protect certain elements of the Earth and, in turn, create a race of soldiers who fight with the Will and Power of God against their evil enemy. Dubbed “Priests”, their abilities allow them to kill or enslave vampiric enemies and once the war was won, the Clergy disbanded the soldiers in the hopes that they would never be needed again. Oh, those best laid plans, huh?

Following an undefined period of time, all that was in order is in disarray when the aptly named Priest (Paul Bettany) learns of the murder of a local sheriff’s brother by a hideous and toothy vampire creature. And certainly where there is one vampire-thingy running free, naturally all of the rest of the enslaved vampires are free. Now, these blood thirsty monsters are suddenly out and roaming around, making life quite challenging for Priest and the team he assembles to fight these beasts once and for all and then (say it with me…) saving all of mankind in the process.

“Priest” is empty-headed goofiness, masquerading as a Western/Science-Fiction mash-up. Reviewing the film on Blu-Ray, I cannot even fathom those who tried to see this film in a theatrical 3-D presentation. Director Scott Stewart houses so much of the film in darkness that even at home and only a handful of feet away from the screen, I had difficulty deciphering where scenes were taking place, the sense of the buildings and cave structures important to the story. How anyone could have followed this in a dimmed and colored-out 3D exhibition is beyond me.

And yet acknowledging all of that, when the film is viewed in 2D, there is a certain beauty in watching the film. Stewart’s use of acclaimed cinematographer Don Burgess (Forrest Gump, Contact, Book Of Eli) helps a lot and to my surprise, “Priest” can become a bit intoxicating to watch. However, like is often the case with these types of films, you can only watch for so long until boredom sets in, logic begins to take shape, and jump scares lose their effectiveness. Welcome to the world of Scott Stewart’s films.

“Priest” is senseless and gets so caught up in its mythology that I chuckled heartily at a Blu-Ray special feature that allows you to watch the filmmakers describe why certain shots and scenes occur and what the characters are trying to convey. Priest and his fellow soldiers are branded with what I imagine is a rather inconvenient facial cross tattoo and when a child asks why Priest has it, the screenwriter informs us that the child is really asking about the burden that bearing a cross has on Priest and speaks to a larger theme of religion and how burdened we all can be by our faith. Actually, Cory Goodman, the kid would never know or fathom such a thing, but it’s your movie so who am I to say you’re wrong?

Director Scott Stewart brings nothing original to his film and even a throwback gag to “Raiders Of The Lost Ark” and the famous gun vs. swordsman scene feels silly and rudderless. The mythology is uninteresting, the vampire beasts are all teeth and no bite, and Stewart loves to punctuate his movies with the suddenness of jump scares and things appearing suddenly and out of nowhere. “Priest” is simply lost in the caverns it inhabits and is nothing more than a big-budget misguided waste of your time.

Should I See It?

Fans of the graphic novel will be drawn to see this.

Even though much of the film is bathed in indiscernible darkness, when light bleeds through, the film has moments of beauty. I mean, I know you’re not watching “Priest” to marvel at the art direction and set design, but I’m trying here.

This is a marked improvement over Scott Stewart’s last film, “Legion”. So, if you loved that gem…then, this is going to reap even better rewards for you!

NO

Even when presented as hideous creatures, can we have a moratorium on vampires, please…

Can Paul Bettany please return to the promising and credible acting career he was creating? Bettany was someone who looked to be forging a career appearing in strong Oscar contending work. Did getting snubbed for performances in “Master and Commander” and “A Beautiful Mind” make him just angry and not care anymore? He’s not an action star and even through he has great charisma on screen, these gothic and cartoonish films are not successes for him.

Devolving into jump scares, random action sequences, and a continued inability to lay out a story in a cohesive manner, Scott Stewart should probably not direct a film again.