Rating:  

Happy Madison Productions and Columbia Pictures.

Written by: Allan Loeb and Timothy Dowling, adapted from the screenplay, “Cactus Flower”, written by I.A.L. Diamond.

Once the plot is spelled out in Adam Sandler’s latest romantic comedy, there may never be a title more fitting to its movie — “Just Go With It.” Not only is it repeated often by many of the characters in the film, but it is a mantra that kept going off inside my head as the film avalanched from disappointing to groan-inducing to painful to terrible. Although their detractors would undoubtedly point out more recent films starring Sandler and Jennifer Aniston as their worst work, this may truly be their bottoming out moment. “Just Go With It” is inescapably bad, no matter how many times you tell yourself to simply go with it.

I must disclose that I have never seen the 1969 comedy, “Cactus Flower”; the Walter Matthau, Ingrid Bergman, and Goldie Hawn film that inspired this remake. There are those who feel that “Cactus Flower” is a notable and memorable entry in the romantic comedy genre. If that is indeed a fair assessment of the original film, then I have no idea how a remake of a well-received film can become such a miserable, mean-spirited, and desperate attempt to make despicable and dense characters become endearing and likable.

Danny (Sandler) is a noted and well-respected plastic surgeon in the heart of Los Angeles, who commands top dollar and is simply the best at his craft. He does however possess one rather troubling character flaw. 25 years ago on his wedding day, Danny learned that his wife-to-be had been cheating on him and he called off the wedding. Danny has kept the wedding ring on his finger for 25 years(!?!) and has become a serial one-night stand maven, fabricating story after story and lie after lie to keep his escapades alive and well. If you wonder how such a well known and highly acclaimed plastic surgeon has avoided even the slightest dent to his reputation through all of his selfishness, then you are thinking way, way too deep about this.

At his side every day in his office is his doting and loyal assistant, Katherine (Jennifer Aniston). A single mother of two, Katherine seems to genuinely like her job and enjoys working with Danny. She knows everything about him and they are pretty much the best and closest of friends. When Danny attends a party thrown by a hideous botox (ab)user (Kevin Nealon), he crosses paths with the gorgeous and breathtaking Palmer (supermodel Brooklyn Decker). Danny initially sees Palmer as his latest conquest, but rather quickly a connection is made, the ring goes into the pocket, and Danny finds love at first sight with Palmer. Palmer is also quite smitten with Danny and after a tryst on the beach, she finds the wedding ring in his jeans pocket the next morning. She gets upset, Danny fumbles his comeback, and then worries that the love he has been looking for all of his life may have slipped away. Mmmkay.

With influence from his long-time best friend, Eddie (Nick Swardson), Danny begins to concoct an elaborate and convoluted story wherein Danny informs Palmer that the ring is in his pocket because he is a couple of days away from finalizing a divorce. With this news, Palmer demands to meet her, and Danny convinces Katherine to pretend to be the soon-to-be ex-wife. Inexplicably, and with very little effort from Danny, Katherine agrees to go along with it, despite her reservations, and hits up her wealthy boss for a massive high-end retail shopping spree. After all, gotta look and play the part, right? When Katherine breaks character and takes a call from her kids, Palmer is shocked and taken aback. And so naturally, Danny and Katherine inform her that they have two children. Eventually, these poor children got roped into the story, assuming fake back stories and identities. Then, everyone ends up traveling to Hawaii for a bonding trip and knee-slapping wackiness ensues. And yes, that is sarcasm.

Often I am called out for disliking the American Romantic Comedy (caps intended). I truthfully feel that I admire the genre when it is done well and if asked, can name dozens of the best of this genre. “Just Go With It” is on the other end of the pendulum however and it quickly becomes a mean-spirited and unimpressive mess. Everyone in this film, and…I…do…mean…everyone, could not be more synthetic and fake. In any scenario, Danny is a liar and and a heartless scumbag. Sure, Sandler tries to dial back his goofiness for some wisp of sincerity, but nothing seems genuine or trustworthy with this guy at all. Even when he does find true love, you simply wait for some lie or excuse to tumble out of his mouth and derail the entire affair. His best friend, Eddie, who implausibly crowbars his way in on the Hawaii trip, is so annoying and over-the-top that he verges on creepy. Katherine’s kids, played by Bailee Madison and Griffin Gluck, are saddled with the gimmick of being manipulative whiners who trick the adults into giving them everything they want.

But what of the women, you ask? As Palmer, Brooklyn Decker is stunning to look at, but whether it is her taking direction or her “talent” on display, she is an empty vessel, lacking the ability to make a distinction between confusion, sadness, anger, love and/or affection. As we see repeatedly, she looks hot in a bikini though. So, yeah us…I guess?

And really Jennifer Aniston? At this point, an intervention may be necessary. In looking through her filmography on IMDB, the last film I liked of hers was the 2006 independent comedy/drama indie, “Friends With Money”. Since then, we have had the joy of films such as “The Break-Up”, “He’s Just Not That Into You”, “Love Happens”, “The Bounty Hunter”, and “The Switch.” Her teflon career has survived terrible movies for far too long and I have no idea what to do with her anymore. The Aniston I came to be a fan of has long since disappeared. She does look hot in a bikini next to Brooklyn Decker, though. So, yeah us…I guess?

By the time Nicole Kidman and Dave Matthews show up in Hawaii as a crazed and narcissistic married couple (yes, that Nicole Kidman and that Dave Matthews), the movie has exhausted any good will or redemptive qualities going for it. By the way, did I mention it runs One-Hundred and Sixteen Minutes? Why? The original source film ran 103 minutes? I don’t get it either.

“Just Go With It” should be the time-out that Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston need and deserve. However, I suspect the box office figures will be strong with its marketing and release date positioning the film as a fun and entertaining date movie for Valentine’s Day weekend. But it’s not. “Just Go With It” is painful to sit through, as unfunny a movie as you’ll find, and as phony and pitiful a love story as I have seen in years.

Should I See It?

Sandler and Aniston are going to draw you in. They are big-time A-listers who have made an attempt at a romantic comedy with an emphasis on the comedy. Fans of Sandler and Aniston are going to have a lot more patience with this than others.

On a surface level, I imagine that the motivations and decisions made by these characters can largely be defended with an answer of “It’s just a silly, mindless movie!”

Brooklyn Decker is admittedly a beautiful woman. Plenty of her on display here.

It’s not in 3-D.

Please find something else to do with your loved one. If you need movie ideas, Email me. If you can skip this as the date night movie for Valentine’s Day, life will be all the better for you and your loved one.

I cannot stress enough how indefensible the actions of these characters are, nor can I remember a romantic comedy with such loathsome characters. Nick Swardson’s Eddie and Brooklyn Decker’s Palmer may be two of the most dense and simple-minded characters to appear on screen in a long, long time.

Fans of Jennifer Aniston – please go back and watch “Friends” episodes instead. Or “Friends With Money”. Or “The Good Girl”. Or even “Marley & Me”.