Rating:  

Weed Road Pictures, Mad Chance, DC Entertainment, Legendary Pictures and Warner Bros. Pictures.

Written By: Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor. Story by William Farmer, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, based on DC Comics characters created by John Albano and Tony Dezuniga.

One of the most confounding releases of recent memory, “Jonah Hex” is a bizarre trainwreck of a film that has no idea what it is, what it wants to be or what purpose it even serves. Of course, I have no idea what the point of it was either.

So it seems that “Jonah Hex”, and its universe of related characters, exist in and amongst the pages of several different DC Comics. From time to time, DC released a comic book series around the branded outlaw cowboy, with supernatural abilities, who looks to avenge those who harmed him and murdered his family. As people chatted in line about the character and the storylines, I reasonably assumed that Hex was a noteworthy figure in the DC Comics Universe. To those fans of the series and the character, I wonder what they must have been thinking watching this debacle play out in front of their eyes.

The movie’s failure is not the fault of Josh Brolin, who plays the title character. Brolin is one of our finest working actors, and probably should be a bigger movie star than he currently is. As Hex, he carries a hideous scar on his face from being branded by his archenemy, Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich). Turnbull is identified as a domestic terrorist, who forced Hex to watch his family burn alive. When Turnbull reportedly dies in a hotel fire, Hex is unable to gain his revenge and becomes a bounty hunter. When Hex is captured by the authorities, he learns that Turnbull is alive and well, but is building an army to execute the biggest destructive attack on the United States to date. Hex is given his freedom on the condition that he can bring down Turnbull and save everyone from what Turnbull is set to unleash. Along the way, Hex rekindles a relationship with Lilah (Megan Fox), a prostitute who harbors love and affection for Jonah and is willing to do whatever she can to help Jonah on his quest for retribution.

Again, Josh Brolin is not the problem here. “Jonah Hex” is a failure because it has no earthly idea what it is or what it wants to be. Narration and stylized comic book animation opens the film and never returns. Hex has scenes riding a horse, collecting bounties, with an old-fashioned western shootout; yet, the film is not really a western. Hex has the ability to speak to the dead merely by touching them, yet the film is not a supernatural horror film. Hex has a love interest in Lilah, the prostitute (Megan Fox), but the film is not really a love story. There are action sequences, but it is not an action movie. Thousands of people die in the film, yet without any blood or recognizable consequences, the film lacks any edge or grit.

And, complicating matters even further, there is approximately 73 minutes of non-credit screen time to tell a story that feels more like a pitch of what “Jonah Hex” could be as a movie, instead of a fully realized final product.

A film too short to mean anything, too haphazardly constructed to carry any rhythm and too absurd to be believable, “Jonah Hex” is a waste of its meager running time and inflated budget.

Should I See It?

You are a fan of the comic book and have been waiting for the big screen adaptation.

Josh Brolin fans will finally have the first big-time, name-above-the-title opening.

Megan Fox is not in the film as much as the advertising indicates…Just sayin’…

You like violent movies without the blood and carnage shown on screen.

Think of all the things you can do in 82 minutes…time better served than sitting through this film.

This has the most violence of any PG-13 film I have seen in recent memory. A staggering amount of people die in the first 20 minutes and the film’s visuals are rather intense, especially when Hex talks to the dead.

Three editors, approximately 10 producers…the film has clearly too many chefs in the “Jonah Hex” kitchen.