Rating:  

Starring: Alex Pettyfer, Vanessa Hudgens, Mary-Kate Olsen, Neil Patrick Harris, Dakota Johnson, Peter Krause, Erik Knudsen, Lisa Gay Hamilton.
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Director: Daniel Barnz
Rating: PG-13
Running Time: 86 Mins.
Release Date: March 4, 2011
Home Video Release Date: June 28, 2011
Box Office: $27.9 Million
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Storefront Films and CBS Films.

Written by: Daniel Barnz, adapted from the novel “Beastly” by Alex Flinn.

Poorly conceived and laughable from beginning to end for all of the wrong reasons, “Beastly” is an epic fail. I have no idea who wanted a “Beauty and the Beast” reboot for the “Gossip Girl” and “90210″ crowd, but the final product is nothing more than a theatrical made-for-cable production.Adapted from Alex Flinn’s popular and award-winning teen novel of the same name, the story is essentially a tale as old as time. Kyle is arrogant and at the top of the social food chain. His cavalier attitude and reckless behavior humiliates Kendra (Mary-Kate Olsen) as both are competing for class President of a prestigious private school. Unbeknownst to Kyle, Kendra is a witch and casts a vicious spell on the handsome Kyle and turns him into the frightening and horrific looking beast boy – known here as Hunter. Kyle/Hunter has a crush on the unassuming Lindy (Vanessa Hudgens)and Kendra informs Kyle/Hunter that his curse can only be lifted if he can find someone to genuinely fall in love with him and utter those three special words…I and Love and You.

None of the performances in “Beastly” are any good at all, with Mary-Kate Olsen completely leaving out any subtlety or nuance to her witchy, gothic high school character. She seems to be stunt casting, pure and simple. Vanessa Hudgens, who has shown some promise before is equally unable to deliver anything resembling a performance in the film. Spouting off her dialogue with a veritable lack of interest and/or emotion, Hudgens looks to have made the decision that this production was a disaster and then phoned in the effort.

And then we have Alex Pettyfer, who struggled mightily in the dreadful “I Am Number Four” earlier in 2011. Well, he fares no better in the title role as Kyle or Hunter, the arrogant high school jock, whose cavalier and brazen attitude towards Kendra leads him to become that disfigured and emasculated freak.

About the only saving grace in any of this is that the always entertaining Neil Patrick Harris drops in as a blind tutor to Kyle, hired by Kyle’s absent and uncaring father (Peter Krause). Harris tries to make something out of nothing, but can only do so much with a bit part in a hack film.

“Beastly”, written and directed by Daniel Barnz, is so uninteresting and simplistic that it becomes very easy to hold a talkback party while watching the film. In the spirit of the old cult classic “Mystery Science Theater 3000″, my 12-year old daughter, two of her friends, and her dear old mom and dad simply could not contain our laughter and we started openly mocking the ridiculousness playing out in front of us.

I want teenage films to work. Anymore though almost all of the movies marketed to that demographic, be they romantic comedies, traditional comedies, science-fiction, horror, or action, are overthought, vapid, and pandering to the notion of what studio execs think teenagers want. “Beastly” is poorly made and as ghastly to watch as Hunter’s face is to those high schoolers he hides from.

Should I See It?

I struggle to find a reason why you should see this. Here goes…you are fans of Alex Pettyfer (really?), Vanessa Hudgens, Neil Patrick Harris, and perhaps the Olsen Twins and need to see every moment of their completed work.

You are familiar with and loved the book. But, as I say over there on the right side panel…good luck with this.

“Beastly” is a mess and an uninteresting one at that. Sure, you can have a good time laughing at the ridiculous dialogue, wooden acting, and paint-by-numbers plot, but you have better things to do with your time.

Fans of the book…good luck with this.